Feelin' da Funk...

I have been in such a funk lately.  I just can't shake it.  I've still been running, I just keep forgetting to update my running ahead widget thingy.  I have not been posting much.  Sorry, I'm still around I'm still plugging away.  Some days I just want to throw in the towel, I'm glad that deep down that really is not the truth.  I do like running.  I'm just frustrated at my progress, or lack there of.  I keep trying to sugar coat it or to try to make myself FEEL like I'm improving, but I'm really not.  I suck at running.  I enjoy it, but I don't think I will ever be good at it.  That is a hard pill for me to swallow.  I don't like being bad at things.  As a matter of fact, I hate being bad at things.  I want to quit.  I know I won't, but I want to.  Granted, I never expected to be an olympic runner or anything extreme like that, but I DID expect that I would be running at a 10 minute mile pace by now.  I DID expect that I would be doing weekly 10 mile runs by now.  I DID expect that I would be non plus size by now.  I'm none of those things.  I never  expected running or fitness to be an overnight thing.  I just expected it to have more of an effect after a year.  I know I was not completely dedicated for the entire year and there were months where I ran less and ate more - but there was not a single month in this entire year that I didn't run.  Not a single one.  That is seriously amazing to me.  I know I should honor that achievement and be happy about that, but I just can't.  I am so tired of feeling so fat and so ugly.  What set me off?  I'll tell you.

Sunday we are going to have our yearly family portraits done.  Do I really need to elaborate?  Anyway, the kids have their clothes - they are cute as can be.  Hubby has his nice shirt.  I need a pastel colored top.  I vowed to find a shirt that was not a t shirt.  I have my picture in a t shirt every freaking year.  It's the only thing I can ever find.  Guess what?  I still can't find a non t shirt to fit me.  I feel like I totally failed.  I told Pete to just take the family picture without me.  I don't even want to be in it.  He was not very happy with me for saying that.  The pictures are this Sunday.  I still don't know what I am going to wear.  I am dreading it.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment.  I have decided to really push my doctor for a referral to a different specialist.  I just can't stand this pain problem.  My tongue has been buzzing for the past four or five days now.  It's maddening.  I've got the sharp pains shocking me as usual too.  It's almost like I have a short circuit somewhere in the electric circuits on my face.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to fight for the referral.   I am not looking forward to the discussion.  I know from my last appointment that he is ready to just write me off as an unknown facial pain disorder.  I feel like I need a name for it.  I can't just try this medication here and that mediation there and just hope it works.  I swear, the side effects from these meds are so freaking bad - I would rather be in pain.

The running group starts on Tuesday.  I'm freaking out about that too.  I can't even run a full mile at the 12 minute pace.  I'm scared to death that I won't be able to keep up.  I am sick to my stomach thinking about this.  I keep thinking the owner of the running store is going to point me out and call me a liar or something.  I can do it on the treadmill, I forgot you don't keep the same pace on the road.  I am just sick.  I've sung arias on stage in front of 200 people and wasn't as nervous as I am right now.  I'm not kidding.  I'm terrified.  The closer Tuesday gets, the more freaked out I am going to be.

Ok, I'm sorry.   I hope I have not scared all of you away from me.  I've really be having a very hard time with the emotional side of weight loss lately.  I've been eating well and getting my exercise in, but my spirits have been completely flat.  The funny thing is, I have not lost any weight.  You really do need the trifecta.  I never thought you NEEDED good spirits to lose weight - but I'm starting to think you do.  Sucks for me.  I don't see any good spirits around the corner.  I'm not really sure how to pep myself back up at this point.  Even my best friend told me I was going to fail.  Nice huh?

Have a wonderful day -thanks for reading!  Hope I didn't drag anyone down! -Monica

Weird....

Side effects that is.  I have been getting this for a few days now, but it didn't dawn on me that it was from the medication.  I have been getting it SO MUCH that I finally put two and two together.  Turns out it is one of the most common side effects.  Pins and needles.  In my feet.  Creepy.  I get it a lot too.  I have it right now actually.  It's not painful, but it's uncomfortable.  Jeez, pain in my face, or pins in my feet.  Well, as of now it's pain in my face AND pins in my feet. LOL I can't seem to win!  Oh well, whatever.  Some thing's got to give, right?

I took a few days off of running so I could give my plantar fasciia a break - I am SO glad I did that.  My foot feels WORLDS better!  I think I figured out my problem.  I can't wear just any sneakers for walking around, so I dug out my old worn out running shoes and started wearing those for my every day shoes.  I am just going to have to eke two years out of my running shoes.  One year for running, and one year for daily use.  I got this last pair around my birthday last year, I'm getting due for a new pair.  I have no clue how I'm going to swing that.  I wonder if I can get my name out there to start babysitting or something.  I used to do that quite a lot.  I'd miss my kids so much, but we really need the money.  It's so hard trying to get by on one income.  I wish I could find some craft that I could make quickly and inexpensively that I could sell and make decent money.  Most of the crafts I make take way too much time to make.

Today is supposed to be a pretty warm day, I am really looking forward to it!  I got my run in early so I could spend the time outside with the kids and not have to worry about when I was going to squeeze in my run!  I'm so glad I did that!  Pete and I decided to alternate our running days so we could both do our runs in the morning.  I have NO idea why we had not thought of that before! *facepalm*   I did intervals on the treadmill today - I'm on week 2 day 2 of the couch to 5k.  Now I'm doing the running at 5 mph which is about a 12 minute mile.  I'm also doing it at a 1 incline so I think that translates to a little faster.  I'm so proud of myself!  It's comfortably hard.  When I first started running last year I couldn't even run five seconds on 4.0 - I remember trying it once and thinking it was an insane pace!  It cracks me up to think I have not improved much but then to look back and actually have a solid memory like that!  What a difference a year makes!  Maybe next year I will be running a 9 minute mile and thinking I'm slow and looking  back to this post and laughing!  I think I'm going to have to go back and read some of my early posts today.  That should be a hoot!  Anyway - I think we are going to get together with some of Colin's friends and have some fun in the sunshine!  59 degrees sounds like a good outside day to me!  I don't think his friends like baseball, but I'm sure Colin would enjoy hitting a few balls and playing catch!

Well, I'm off - I have a lot of housework to do.  I was a bit neglectful yesterday!  Oh - want a little treat?  Yesterday I surprised Peter for Valentine's Day by showing up for him at his work and getting down on my knees and singing to him at the top of my lungs.  I'm actually a MUCH better singer than this - but he made me laugh so freaking hard, I couldn't sing well!  He was so embarrassed!  Awesome Valentine's gift! LOL 

Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL day! -Monica

It's official!

I have officially agreed to start the slower paced running group for the running store!  I'm so excited and nervous at the same time!  The running clinic starts the first week of March and the running group is expected to start two to three weeks after that.  I can't wait!!

I've been having some trouble with my right foot lately.  It's not terrible pain, but I can tell my plantar fasciia is annoyed.  I've been sleeping with my boot on and I'm going to start taking advil regularly to try to nip the inflammation in the bud.  I hope it's going to be ok.  I don't want it to get in the way of my running.  I feel like I'm finally back on the right track and I don't want to stop now!  It's so exciting to see the scale moving in the right direction!

So tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  I still have NO idea what I am giving up!  I have given up so much already this past year!  Chocolate is out - it's just not possible.  :-P  Soda, I'm not sure I could do it.  Maybe I should try it.  The thought actually makes me nervous!  Maybe I should try it just for that fact alone!   I have a few more hours - Maybe I should drink the last two cans I have in the fridge and call it good for 40 days! HA!  I only drink caffeine, diet coke but I know it's still not good for you. It's my biggest weakness.  I LOVE that crap!  I have one case of it left in the garage, maybe I'll return it to the store so I won't be tempted!  Wow - I can't believe I'm even entertaining the idea!!  

Today was a rest day, but I took a nice, long walk with Susie again.  This time Nelly joined us about half way through.  It was so nice to see her again!  We have not seen her in quite a while!  I'd say from my house to downtown and then around downtown I probably did about 5 miles!  I forgot to wear my garmin *facepalm   so I don't know the distance for sure.  I walked a good 2 hours though.  It still tickles me pink that I can walk that far and for that long without any major exertion!  SO awesome!

Today has been a pretty bad face pain day.  I'm really hoping this medication starts helping soon.  I don't want to give up on it yet.  Cross your fingers that it starts doing something soon.  I was at the store today at the service desk and I got the mother of all pains and I smacked myself right in the face.  Wow - you should have seen the look on the clerk's face.  I'm pretty sure she wanted to call the boys with the straight jackets.  HAHA  

Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL night! -Monica

Going backwards to go forward?

I think that is what I'm doing.  I really do!  It is so weird to see such low mileage on my running ahead widget (or whatever you call that thingy)  I've run fewer miles all year than I did in one month in the last half of last year.  What is the difference?  Quality.  I think my running so far THIS year has been of a higher caliber.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still slow, but I'm trying to focus on posture and breathing and stride.  I'm trying to keep my pace steady.  Last year I ran all those long distances at about a 13 - 15 minute mile.  I've been training so far this year on the treadmill at a 5.0 with a 1% incline which I'm guessing is about a 12 minute mile.  Do you know how freaking stoked I would be to finish a 5k at 36 minutes?!  If I could continue training at this pace (and I'm fairly confident that I can) then I could probably do a 5k a bit faster than that if you factor in race day excitement!  That whole idea gives me goosebumps! HAHA  Anyway - even though I'm doing fewer miles and that sometimes bums me out, I have to keep my chin up and look to the future - because in a way, I'm going backwards to go forward!

In OTHER good AMAZING AWESOME news!  I GOT THE MONEY!!!!!  I sold something on craig's list!  I got enough money to take that running clinic!  I'm SO CRAZY STOKED!  I'm going to call the running store after my shower (I just finished my run) and I'm going to officially sign up for the class AND agree to being in charge of the slower paced running group!  I'm nervous and SO excited at the same time!  I still can't believe I get to have this opportunity!  What an amazing experience this will be!

Oh and by the way GUNG HE FAT CHOI!!!  Happy Chinese NEW YEAR!!  It's the year of the Snake for those of you who don't know!  My hubs is Chinese - we don't do anything all that special.  I wish he remembered some of the customs.  The only ones he remembers - we would never do. HAHAHA  His Mom used to make them not wash their hair for two weeks because it would wash the good luck away - NO WAY - not happening! HAHAHA  He told me he used to sneak a shower at school. Bad boy!  We are going to give the kids some hongbao tonight - they are little red envelopes with money in them.  They only get a dollar each, but the red envelope is a symbol of good luck.  I think it's all very cool!  Maybe I will make some Chinese food tonight.  It's kind of hard to make it weight watcher's friendly though.  You wouldn't think it was bad because of all the vegetables - but the sauces are pretty high in points and that is where all the flavor comes from!

Well, I'm off to my shower - I'm starting to smell like a musk ox. HAHAHA  That was a great run!  Those intervals really get me every time!  It might be a short run but it sure does kick my butt!  LOVE that!

Have a WONDERFUL day!  Thanks for reading! -Monica

Very welcomed rest day!

Today was a rest day and it was SO needed!  I was SO sore from yesterday's run - I could hardly walk this morning!  As sore as I was - I actually LOVED it!  It hurt so much when I got out of bed!  When I got up I was kind of grunting and my son asked me what was wrong and I told him I was sore - he was so worried about me.  He came running up to me and said "OH NO Mommy, are you SICK?!"  I said no, I'm not sick - I am just sore from running! You know what he told me?  He told me I must not be running enough if I'm sore!  AAHHH I've created a monster!  I love that child!  He makes me laugh so much!  Today he asked for a snack so I gave him a little bowl of frozen blueberries (it's a favorite snack around here) he got all excited and said "OH MOMMY, I LOVE blueberries, they make me poop!".  HA!  What a boy thing to say!

Today was also my weigh in day.  I was down 3.2 lbs!  Can I get a WOOT WOOT??  I worked SO HARD this week and it really showed!  I am so excited!  I feel like I'm finally back in the game!  I can't wait to see what I look like by my birthday!  :-P  I had to pick up a new 3 month food diary from weight watchers.  I've tried tracking online, I've even tried tracking on a regular piece of paper - but I just don't do as well as I do with that 3 month tracker.  So I got a new one to replace the one I used up.  When I bought it I thought it looked bigger than the old one, but I wasn't quite sure.  I was so busy trying to keep Susie happy, I didn't really focus on it all that much.  When I got home I realized it was huge!  I swear, weight watchers does things like that every few months just so they can make you have to buy new things.  I already had a protective cover for the smaller one but now it didn't fit the new one.  I was NOT about to buy another one - jeez, I'd probably have to buy a new one for the next book that comes out!  So I went through my fabric stash and I made my own!  I had never made a book cover before so I was just kind of winging it.  I realized I had forgotten to finish one of the edges so you can totally see a raw edge when you open the book, but whatever - it came out pretty good!  I love that I got to use some of the fabric I used when I made my daughter's nursery set when she was a baby!  She doesn't use the set anymore since she is out of her crib - so in a way it's like a reminder of her babyhood!  What do you think?  Not too shabby huh??  Oh - and if you noticed that the seams are not all that straight?  That would be because my son is in charge of pressing the foot pedal.  Apparently I am not allowed to do that part anymore - it's HIS job.  He is not all that predictable.  One second he is going fast, then he goes slow, then he stops, then he starts.  Jeez - he is all over the place!  It's a wonder I can stay on the fabric let alone stay in any semblance of a line! HAHAHA  Love that kid!

Well, I'm off to bed.  I'm actually pretty tired.  Cross your fingers - I may actually have the money lined up for that class!  AAAHH  I"M SO NERVOUS AND EXCITED!

Thank you for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL night! -Monica

I really shouldn't be blogging right now....

Because I'm still on a runner's high.  I just KNOW I'm going to babble!  I'm warning you in advance!  I had the most AWESOME run today!  I am EVER so glad I slowed my pace down to 5.0 from 6.  When I was trying to do 6 I never wanted to do my runs - I dreaded them.  Now I enjoy them again!  They are still hard - don't get me wrong.  I am sweating like a maniac and my heart rate is nice and high.  I think the difference is that my heart has a chance to recover at this pace (I'm still running intervals at this pace - not straight running yet).  When I was running the 6.0 I would get to my walking segments and when it was time to start running again I still had not really caught my breath and my heart rate had not recovered much.  I can't tell you how happy I am with the decision to slow down!  I never thought I'd say that!  I think my ankle thanks me for it too.  I had been getting a bit tight in my right Achilles - I've been stretching it well and at night I'm wearing the plantar fasciitis boot.  Hopefully I can nip it in the bud.  So far so good - it does not seem to be progressing.  I do not want to end up where I was five years ago - MAN was that painful!  I had full blown plantar fasciitis AND Achilles tendinitis!  It was evil!  I had to wear a walking cast!  I actually have two of those plantar fasciitis boots - sometimes I will just wear them on both feet just to get a good stretch - especially after a long run.  It feels so good.  I usually end up kicking them off during the night anyway.  I've noticed my toes go kind of numb if they stay on all night anyway.  Wow - I really AM rambling!

Today was pretty uneventful.  It was full of cleaning.  Yet my house is still messy.  Go figure.  It's true what they say.  Cleaning your house while your children are growing is like shoveling your driveway while it's still snowing.  HA!  Isn't THAT the truth!  I actually got a LOT done today, but you can't tell.  It's frustrating, but at least I know deep down in my heart that I did it! HAHAHA

Oh, something significant did happen today.  If anyone out there plays the trumpet, or the bugle, or the fleugal horn I would appreciate if you would play Taps and if everyone would follow it by a moment of silence..... for my favorite running bra.  It died.  The underwire snapped in half.  I am so bummed.  It was a faithful friend - it held the girls in place for many a mile and that is no small task.  I have two other bras but they are kind of tight.  The one that broke was by FAR my favorite.  Bummer.  Oh well - time marches on and the world turns.  :-P

Well, I am off.  I am in need of a hot shower (still sweaty from my AWESOME run!)  I could also use something to eat - I am starving.  I know, I know - it's late.  I still have points left though and by golly, I plan to use them. HAHAHA!

Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL night!! -Monica

A decent proposal....

I am SO crazy excited about this.  I still can't believe this even happened!  So you all know that I have been looking for a running group and I have not been having any luck.  Well, I contacted the local running store and it turns out, they had been wanting to start a slower paced running group too!  The owner knew I couldn't afford the running clinic that they offer (even though I REALLY REALLY wanted to do it) and she proposed this.  If I was willing to commit the next one to two years to a running group, this offer would be extended.  That means I would run one day a week rain or shine the same day and time every week even if nobody else showed up.  I would be the constant in the group. If I promised to do that, then I could join the class for half price!  HOLY FREAKING COW!  I am SO EXCITED!  I still don't have that much money - but I'm going to try to sell stuff on craig's list.  PLEASE, if you pray - send up a few prayers that I can figure out a way to pay for this!  If you don't pray - please send some good vibes my way!  I want this SO BAD!  Can you imagine how amazing this would be for me?  The clinic teaches you how to run!  It teaches you how to prevent injury, how to improve, how to train - everything you need to know!  I could make SO many running contacts!  Not to mention starting a running group!  How freaking awesome would that be?  Plus - the fact that I HAVE to be there EVERY week - that is SERIOUSLY motivating!  Just the fact that she extended this to me makes me feel like a runner!  I mean, she knew who I was - she obviously knew I've been doing this for an entire  year.  It felt SO GOOD to be recognized as a runner even though I don't have the body of a runner!  I can't even tell you how amazing that felt!  I feel like I'm on a runner's high!

Other than that excitement - today was a really nice day!  It started out a little crazy.  Pete missed the bus, again.  He wanted me to drive him in to work - but I wasn't ready to leave yet. The kids were still in their pajamas and nobody had even eaten yet!  I told him to take the car and I would walk downtown and pick it up.  I walked my son to school (he complained the entire way - jeez, you'd think it was a ten mile walk instead of a half mile!) and then I walked with Susie in the jogger downtown to the car.  It's about 3.5 miles - a nice walk actually.  We had good weather - it was about 50 degrees and not too windy.  Too bad the sun wasn't shining!  I wore my garmin just for kicks and I was kind of surprised to see that I was walking at the pace that I had once considered a run!  That was pretty cool!  As I was walking I had a memory come back to me and it really made me giggle!  It also made me really proud of myself!  As we were passing the library (about a mile and a half to two miles from my house) I remembered walking there once when my son was a baby.  I remembered it took me almost two hours and it was the hardest freaking walk in my entire life.  I was SO EXHAUSTED when I got there that I didn't even want to look at books.  I had sworn to NEVER walk that far again EVER.  That just cracks me up.  I walked almost double that today and it was a comfortable, easy walk and it only took me an hour!  That was including a pit stop at the bookstore!  I never can resist stopping at the bookstore!

Well, I'm off.  I am actually quite tired today.  On top of my long walk today, I washed floors.  Then the kids and I had a dance party in the living room.  I'm pretty spent.  HAHAHA

Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL night! -Monica

Changing things up...

I have been really floundering with my running.  I have come to the realization that 6.0 is just too freaking fast for me.  I'm just not there yet.  I'm bummed about it, but I have to be real.  So today I slowed down a bit and WOW what a difference!  It was hard enough to be challenging but not so hard as to make me hate it.  Honestly - I have been dreading my runs for the past month.  I mean DREADING them.  I'm kind of excited now!  I guess I won't be meeting my goal of running a 10 minute mile by my birthday but oh well!  I really can't complain.  I remember last year around June I had tried running one minute at 4.5 and I couldn't do it.  I couldn't even make it for 45 seconds!  See that!  I might not have lost any weight since June, but I've definitely made a LOT of positive changes!  I've beaten diabetes and high cholesterol, I've reversed my high blood pressure, improved my resting heart rate, and I've gone from not being able to run at 4.5 to being able to push myself to run at 6.0 and COMFORTABLY run at a hard pace at 5.0!  YAY ME!  Ok - I sound like a dork!  I am really happy though!  Sometimes it's hard to celebrate the things that are not directly scale related.  Shoot, it usually is hard to celebrate those things!

I've increased my dose on my medication this weekend.  So far so good.  Cross your fingers!  I still have not noticed any decrease in appetite though - figures, right? HAHAHA   So far the side effects have been mild and seem to be centered around the few hours after I take them, so that is really good!  The only thing I've noticed aside from being drowsy for a few hours after taking the medication is that sometimes my mind feels a little sluggish.  Not really bad, but sometimes it's annoying.  If it stops the pain, it's worth it!

I'm still trying to figure out a way to start a running group.  I've contacted the running groups on seemommyrun.com but I have not heard back yet.  I suspect they are not active groups.  I am thinking I may just try to get the hubby and the kids out on Saturday mornings and make them run with me!  We can get Colin to run with us some of the way, maybe he can bike some of it.  Susie can be in the jogger.  I'm sure our dog would be happy to join in.  I don't know how it will work out - my son is not very good on his bike, he does have to learn some time though! Wish me luck!  Maybe I'll run into a group at the park when we try to run as a family!  Who knows!  Stranger things have happened!!

Thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful night! -Monica

Tried something new....

I have been thinking for some time that I wanted to run in a group.  The problem is, I'm slow.  Well, I saw on the local road runners club website that they have a Saturday morning long run and anyone can join, no matter the pace.  AWESOME!  So today I got up early - WAY earlier than I'm used to getting up on a Saturday morning - and I went.  It was FREEZING!  I had to actually scrape ice off my window - that almost never happens around here!  

I got there and there were only three other people.  They were all very nice people and I was really looking forward to running with them.  Then I asked them what their pace was.  The guy said they were really pretty slow and leisurely.  I'm thinking WHOO HOO - I found a group to run with!  Then he dropped the n bomb.  As in, the Nine minute mile pace bomb.  NINE MINUTE MILE IS SLOW AND LEISURELY?  Oh my GOD!  Then they told me the faster group had just left.  SERIOUSLY?  FASTER group?  Oh Lord.  I was scared after that.  I tried - I tried really hard.  I only kept up for about 5 or 6 blocks, then I started lagging.  Bad.  The one guy was really REALLY nice and he held back with me and ran with me.  It was nice because I got to run in places I have never been - places I didn't even know existed!  In hindsight I can't believe I ran with a complete stranger in isolated places like that - was I freaking insane?  If you have not noticed about me by now - I'm afraid of people.  I don't trust strangers.  I grew up in NY, I think that distrust is an inborn trait for many New Yorkers!  It was so nice to meet a new person though. We talked about all kinds of things, mostly about running.  He was blown away that I had come from where I was last  year and that I couldn't even run 10 steps a year ago!  He was also really impressed that I came to run with a group.  I'm kind of bummed that the group is not going to work out.  I'm going to keep searching for a group that has my pace and if I can't find one, then I'm going to MAKE one.  Us slow pokes should not be doomed to run the earth alone!!

I ended up having to walk a lot of the run today.  I think the combination of the bitter cold, starting at waaaaay too fast of a pace, not ever running hills, and not doing long runs for over a month has really taken it's toll!  We ran 4.3 miles but I'm thinking I walked half if not more of it.  Oh well.  It's 4.3 more miles than a lot of people did today!  

I'm going to call it a night.  I have a sleepy baby on one arm so I'm doing this with one hand and it kind of sucks!  Plus, tonight I bump my medication up to two pills - I'm kind of excited.  PLEASE pray that it starts working!  I have been having a LOT of face pains lately.  I do mean a LOT.  

Thank you so much for reading!  I hope you all have a wonderful night! -Monica

p.s.  if any of you have any ideas as to how I can start a slow paced running group and keep it SAFE - as in, no creepers - I would LOVE to hear them!  THANK YOU!!!

BIG NEWS!!!

I am OFFICIALLY not a diabetic anymore!  WHOO FREAKING WHOO!!!  I am SO EXCITED!!  I ALSO have a healthy cholesterol level!  Double awesome!  Here I was, thinking I had completely stalled - but my body was still improving!  YAY!

Aside from the complete awesomeness of my news from the doctor, my kids were absolutely freaking insane today.  Apparently my daughter thought she was Sir Edmond Hillary today, because she was climbing on EVERYTHING.  It was driving me insane.  I have started keeping the  chairs behind the gate on top of the treadmill because she has been pushing them up to the counter and getting into everything.  Today when I was cooking she got my water jug - which I had just filled.  She poured it onto the couch and the rug.  It holds 32 oz.  It was bad.  Then she got up onto the counter while I was cooking - I didn't see her do this.  She got a tomato and proceeded to squish it into the rug.  Oh MAN has it been a day around here.  Don't get me started on how many times she has said NO today.  Oh the terrible twos - you drive me batty!

I am kind of upset about something today.  This has been bothering me for some time but I have been trying to stay positive about it.  I just can't seem to keep my chin up about it today.  It seems like EVERYONE is faster than me.  EVERYONE.  Even people who have just started running.  I've been running for almost a year now.  My speed has not improved at all.  I have been trying to do the couch to 5k at a faster pace for a week now.  I can't even get day 1 down.  I have attempted day 1 four times.  I STILL can't do it.  I wanted to run a 10 minute mile by my birthday in June.  I just don't see it happening.  I wanted that goal SO BAD.  I KNOW I am getting healthier, so why am I not getting faster?  I am just so freaking frustrated.  I've noticed a correlation between my heart rate and my ability to go on.  In the beginning of an interval run, I'm fine.  I feel like I could run the 10 minute mile pace for an entire 5k.  After a few intervals of going fast and slow it takes less time for my heart rate to get high and more time for it to recover.  That is normal, I know that - but it seems that 170 is my max.  I can't seem to go very long once my heart hits 170.  Sorry, I am rambling.  I'm just really frustrated.  Today's run felt like a total failure because I couldn't finish the entire 20 minute interval session.  I walked the last three minutes.  I also cut two of the running intervals in half.  SO mad at myself.

Wow - this is a really bi polar sounding post - isn't it?  I really am in a good mood today - and I am feeling good from my run.  I'm just upset that I'm not where i wanted to be by now.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!  Thanks for reading! -Monica

New Meds are going well!

Today is my second day on my new meds.  So far so good!  I suspect I am getting a cold, my sinuses have been killing me.  I'm happy to report that I have not had any face pains though!  Granted, it could totally be a coincidence at this point - but I'll still take it as a positive!  I still have not seen any of the appetite suppressing side effects, I sure hope they show up soon! HAHAHA  I kind of blew off my diet this weekend.  I'm not sure how it happened.  I just know it's Sunday night and I didn't count anything.  GRRR - I hate when I do stupid things like that.  Oh well - tomorrow is another day!  I have noticed the weekends are my weakest times.  I love my husband - but he is not the best influence on me.  It also does not help that this is the end of the month and the fridge and bank account are getting bare.

I know this is a super short post.  I am just completely exhausted.  I am pretty sure it's a side effect from my meds, thankfully that wears off after taking it for a while.  Thanks for reading!  Tomorrow will be a better post - I promise!!


Have a wonderful night!  Thanks for reading! -Monica

An eventful day!

What a weird day I had!  It was a busy morning as usual, running around and getting Colin ready for school.  I got him off to school and then came home for a few minutes before heading out to weight watchers.  Today was an AWESOME weigh in!  I'm down 4.8 lbs this week!  Can I get a woot woot??  After weight watchers I decided to swing by the pharmacy drive through so I could order a refill on a script.  There was one truck in front of me so I naturally waited my turn.  He pulled up and stopped.  I didn't think anything of it, went about my business with the pharmacist and then went to leave.  That is when I realized he was blocking me in!  There are these big yellow poles in the ground to the right of me, so you have to pull forward.  I was about to  honk when his reverse lights went on.  I was kind of startled, but at first I just figured he went to go forward and accidentally put it in reverse.  Then his door opens and he gets out - WITH THE TRUCK STILL IN REVERSE!!!!  This was a BIG truck - one of those half ton pickups.  The guy realized what had happened and tried to get back in.  Meanwhile I panicked for a second but then threw it in reverse - thank God nobody was behind me because I don't think I even looked.  I got back just in time for his truck to slam into the pharmacy and rip his door off!  I'm not sure if it came completely off, but it was at a very unnatural angle.  I yelled out the window "ARE YOU OK:??!!""  I thought he had gotten pinned between the door and the building.  The pharmacist was yelling out the window asking if she needed to call someone.  Finally the guy emerges.  Walks to the back of his truck, bends down, picks something up and then says "I dropped my dollar."  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???  I have my BABY in the car and this asshole almost runs me down for a DOLLAR??  I have never been in a car accident and let me tell you - this was close enough for me.  I was shaking for hours!

     Then I got home and I called Pete on my cell to tell him all about what had happened.  I figured I would feed the cats while I was telling him.  Guess what happened?  I dropped my cell phone into the cats' water dish.  NOOOOOOOO  I'm not due for a new phone until July!  The phone was still working - Pete and I were still talking, so I ran into the house and wiped the phone down, took it apart, dried it some more and stuck it in a bag full of rice.  I'm afraid to test it.  I'm going to have to try it tomorrow morning.  I know I should wait two days, but I really need my phone!  I don't even have a home phone!  I'm supposed to meet Nelly for a run - I can't even imagine not having a phone and being out and about!  What has happened to me?  I didn't even HAVE a cell phone until 2001!!

     I got a call from my doctor and he okay'd the test for gluten intolerance.  So I have to fast for 12 hours since they are doing cholesterol and glucose.  I'm always so nervous about the glucose.  The threat of diabetes is what got me to lose weight in the first place.  I KNOW my numbers are so much better.  Tonight I did my run really late - as in, I just finished it at 10 pm.  I'm hoping that doesn't screw my numbers up.  Fingers crossed ok!  I'm also worried about cholesterol.  It was borderline last time.  I'm sure if I had checked it in the summer I would have been good to go, but I have been slacking really bad since the fall - and now since the microwave has broken we have been eating more ground beef because it's easier to cook from frozen.  Cholesterol city.  I really hope my running is doing enough!  I'll let you all know how it turns out - if you are even interested!  LOL

Today I ran day 3 of the couch to 5k.  Still on the 6.0 (10 minute mile pace) for the running segments.  I don't know how I'm going to run longer periods at that pace.  It's really freaking hard. I may just do week 1 twice.  It's brutal.  I can't remember how hard I perceived the program to be last year - I do remember it was hard.  I don't remember if it was THIS hard though!  I think I'm going to wear my plantar fasciitis boot tonight - my Achilles tendon in my right ankle is a little pissed off today.  I don't think I can take advil while I'm fasting - so that will have to wait.  I am NOT missing Katie's virtual 5k!  I'm excited about it!  Even if I have to walk some of it - I'm doing an easy 5k tomorrow!  That still makes me laugh - that I can include the words easy and 5k in the same sentence. HAHAHA  Last year if I had heard someone say that I would have thought they were being an elitist asshat! HAHAHA

Well, I had better get going.  I crocheted Susie a hat today and Colin was mad I didn't make him one.  I'm going to ATTEMPT to bang out one of those bearded hats for him so I can surprise him in the morning!  Wish me luck with THAT one!!  Here is the one I made Susie - it looks super cute on her, but she wouldn't let me get a picture.  Go figure, almost two year olds!!  If I manage to do Colin's hat - I'll post a pic tomorrow!  It is SO hysterical!  He will LOVE it!  I just hope he doesn't get in trouble at school for that! LOL

Thank you for reading!  Have a great night! -Monica

Say it isn't so....

Could I really be gluten intolerant?  I freaking hope not, but I'm kind of worried about it.  It's been in the back of my  mind for a few months now. It would explain a lot - my PCOS, infertility, unidentified face pain, arthritis, diverticulosis, allergic reactions to cold temperatures.  I'm a freaking mess.  Could it really be that all these things are not separate but related?  To gluten?  Just for grins and giggles I started looking at labels in my fridge.  I've been eating pretty healthy, I've gotten rid of all the junk that used to line my shelves.  Surely my food is all in order.  Can you believe the only condiments in my fridge that are gluten free are the mustard and the ketchup?  You've got to be kidding me.  There is gluten in my salad dressing, in my bbq sauce, in my soy sauce, in my terriyaki sauce.  My mind has been blown.  I am not sure yet if I am going to do this.  I did request a blood test from my doctor.  Pete is not thrilled about the prospect.  My heart is kind of torn right now.  I honestly can't imagine never going to a spontaneous pizza dinner or hitting the McDonald's drive through or having Chinese food with my inlaws at a nice Chinese place.  Actually - I am down right sad about it.  I am pretty sure I'm going to at least try it to see if I don't feel better.  It's going to be really really hard for me.  I'll admit it.  I'm scared.  I really am.  All I'm going to say is thank GOD chocolate and diet coke are gluten free. HAHAHA

Today is a weight training day.  I only have those dopey 9 lb dumbbells, but I'm going to make the best of what I have!  I'm going to do my workout as soon as I finish up here.

Tomorrow is my weight watcher's weigh in, I'm pretty sure I'm down quite a bit this week.  Thank GOD!  I'm telling you - I HAVE to be on a running program, it forces me to work hard.  Much harder than just going for an easy run at the park.  I'm going to do day 3 of the couch to 5k tomorrow and then on Friday I'm going to do an easy 5k in the park.  I'm doing Katie's virtual 5k from Runs for Cookies.  I'm really looking forward to it!  I printed up the bib and everything!  Nelly is going to run it with me - hopefully it's not pouring rain!  We have not been able to run outside all week, it's either been way to freaking cold, pouring rain, or air stagnation advisory.  Ah the Pacific Northwest weather.  It's a joy!  At this point I'm hoping for either a big snow storm or the spring.  I've had it with this in between misery.  It's gray and cold and just plain nasty.

Well, I think Susie is trying to tell me to close the computer.  She is climbing on my arm and trying to squeeze in between myself and the laptop.  NOT easy to type this way.

Thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful night! -Monica

My little boy ran 5k!

Or so HE thinks anyway!  After I did my run today he wanted to run too.  He had never tried the treadmill before so I let him start slowly at 1 mph.  He said it was TOO BORING.  So I slowly increased the speed until he was at 2 mph.  He said it was perfect.  Can you believe he did 5 minutes like that?  He wanted to go longer but I was so sore from my run, I just wanted a hot shower!  Well, he saw the 5 minutes on the treadmill and he announced that he did a 5k just like Mommy!  Now he wants a 5k sticker like I have on my car window!  I love that kid!

My run was pretty freaking awesome!  Let me preface this by saying that last night was HORRIBLE.  Susie would NOT go to sleep.  She just kept screaming no matter what I did.  I have no idea what was wrong.  I think she is just hitting the terrible twos early.  Anyway - I only got about an hour of sleep last night.  I'm kind of running on zombie fumes here.  So after I picked the wildman up from school and I fed the kids lunch, I got Susie down for her much needed nap.  I was sitting on the couch, debating if I should take a nap or go do my run.  It was a very hard decision.  I could hear my pillow calling me and it was singing very sweet lullabies to me.  I decided to roll my fat ass off the couch and go run.  I am SO glad I did.  It was hard - I'm not going to lie.  6.0 on the treadmill is definitely the fastest I can go right now.  It's a huge mind game for me too.  I keep thinking I can't do it - no way I can do one minute of this.  Then I stare at the eyes on the painting on the wall and when I look back I only have 30 seconds left.  Then I tell myself - oh my God - you're half way there, you've got this girl!  Then when I go to my walking phase of the program I'm supposed to do 1.5 minutes and I keep telling myself "I'm going to take a 2 minute recovery break" but then when it gets to the 1.5 mark I find myself hitting the 6.0 button anyway!  I basically forced myself all the way through.  I think once or twice I might have accidentally walked for 2 minutes because I had gotten so into my head that I couldn't remember when I had started the walk. HAHAHA  The very last run I had to stop about 15 seconds early - my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to leap out of my chest.  My treadmill has the most worthless heart rate monitor on it so I really can't go by that.  Next time I'm going to wear my chest strap and my Garmin.  I don't have the indoor footpod so I usually don't wear my garmin on the treadmill.  Hopefully some day I can afford that thing!  It's quite spendy!  So back to that painting on the wall - it's a painting of baby Jesus.  I'm not an overly religious person.  I go to church on Sunday and I have been known to send up a prayer or two,  I do believe in God.  I guess I just don't really talk about it much.  I'm not ashamed or anything - I just don't believe people should push their beliefs on others.  Anyway - when I stare at the eyes of the painting of baby Jesus I hear that poem in my head called footsteps.  It's a very beautiful poem.  If you have not read it, it basically says that when you have hard times and feel like you are not able to carry on, Jesus carries you.  I guess it just feels fitting because I keep telling myself that I can't go one more step - but I stare into His eyes and I do!  Ok - I promise I won't say any more religious stuff.  I promise I am not out to convert anyone!  I just really love that my head goes there.  I have a LOT of self doubt and negative self talk.  It's interesting to see how I am slowly starting to tell my negative self off.  HAHAHA  It's hard to do and I really take it one step at a time (literally) but it's fun to see! (hear?)

Here is a link to the poem if you're interested.  

I'm feeling pretty psyched - not just because I did a hard run - but because I beat my own mind!  I always tell myself I can't - it's so exciting when I prove myself wrong!  

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL night!  Thanks for reading! -Monica

Gobble, gobble!

I made a turkey tonight!  It was SOOOOOOO yummy!  Best of all, I have plenty of turkey in the fridge for sandwiches and other meals!  I think that is my favorite thing about roasting a turkey!  I made broccoli and mashed potatoes to go along with the turkey.  I don't make mashed potatoes very often.  I can't even remember the last time I made them.  I think Colin has only had them once!  Susie wouldn't touch them but Colin LOVED them!  He cracks me up.  He said "Mommy!  These mashed potatoes are really good!  They taste just like cauliflower!"  Doesn't that feel like a Mommy win - for your child to tell you how much he loves cauliflower?!

I didn't run today - I was going to, but my legs are still SOOOO sore from Saturday's run!  I'm going to run tomorrow - I'm not sure if Nelly is going to run with me or not so that will decide if I run at the park or on the treadmill.  It's supposed to be below freezing tomorrow morning so I'm kind of hoping Nelly doesn't want to go. HAHAHA  I LOVE running with her - but I HATE the bitter cold!

Not a whole lot to talk about today.  We stayed home all day.  It was kind of nice to just chill.  Folded a butt load of laundry.  Cleaned the heck out of the kitchen.  Realized today that Susie is officially entering the terrible twos.  OOH WEE is she trying us!  If you tell her to do something she flat out says no and shakes her head.  I guess it's time to start getting firmer about time outs.  Oh joy.  Colin didn't start the terrible twos until he was almost four.  He was a VERY difficult baby but an easy toddler.  Susie was an easy baby - I guess she has decided to be a difficult toddler! HA

Colin has really gotten bad about picking up his toys.  It's really starting to get to me.  Today we gave him SIX HOURS to clean his room.  His room wasn't even that messy.  It would have taken ten minutes tops.  I told him all day long that I was going to go into his room after dinner and throw anything that was on the floor into the trash.  I said it a million times.  After dinner I went in there and his room was DESTROYED.  It was worse than when I had gone in there in the morning!  So I didn't say anything, I just calmly got a garbage bag and put everything in there.  He didn't seem to care at all!  The only thing he was somewhat upset about was his dream lite.  Actually - I was pretty pissed about the dream lite.  That damned thing was EXPENSIVE!  So Pete had Colin watch as he threw the bag into the garbage can outside.  Colin was a little upset but not as much as I thought he would be.  I made Pete go back and get the dream lite - we will give it to him as a "new" gift for Easter or his birthday or something.   It's just too expensive for me to throw it away like that.  I also rounded up all the train stuff and put that away for a while - as well as the playmobile stuff.  I put the kid's table and chairs in the garage too.  Maybe if there is less to make a mess with, the better.  It's time to do a major toy weeding.  Wow - sorry for the rant.  I guess I was more exasperated than I realized!

I am pretty tired.  It was a long, frustrating day.  Not the whole day - but enough of it that I feel emotionally drained!  Colin has really got to start listening better.  And soon.

Have a wonderful night!  Thanks for reading!!! -Monica

I am SO sore today!

I had a really great run yesterday!  Possibly the best in MONTHS!  It was really hard but I was able to do it and that makes it that much more rewarding!

What did I do?  I restarted the couch to 5k program.  This time my running segments are at 6.0 on the treadmill.  It's REALLY hard for me!  Part way through run #1 I was thinking - there is no WAY I can really run a full mile at this pace.  Then I got to thinking.  When I did the program last year, I was running at 3.5 (yeah yeah, I know - laugh if you want, it IS pretty slow!).  Anyway - the 3.5 felt next to impossible.  I remember I tried to do 6.0 once and I couldn't even do it for 15 seconds!  This time I was able to do the 6.0 for a full minute - even though it was super hard, I did it!  YAY!  What REALLY excites me is that doing the program at this pace sets me up to meet one of my 38 by 38 goals!  Oh yeah baby, can we say 10 minute mile?!

I was planning on starting some weight training today -but I STILL can't find those dumbbells in the garage.  Good Lord - I swear, you couldn't find anything in there if your life depended on it!  It's so darned cold out too, so it's not like you can really get your sorting skills on!  I'm pretty sure a squatter could take up residency in there and we wouldn't know for a long time! HAHAHA  Funny - but not in the same breath, know what I mean?

I've got the crockpot going right now - chicken soup.  I am feeling so debilitated without my microwave - It really makes it harder to cook.  I am terrible about remembering to thaw something for dinner.  Jeez, I used to rely on those weight watcher's smart ones for lunch.  Talk about throwing your groove off!  I probably won't be able to get a new microwave for a few months so I had better get used to it!

I took the advice of Weight Watchers and I gutted my fridge.  I cleaned it all out - it was due for a good cleaning anyhow.  I got some little post it notes and put one on each thing in the fridge and marked how many points in each thing.  Then I cut up all my carrots, celery, and lettuce.  I was going to cut my bell peppers but I didn't know how long those would last so I left them whole.  I have a gallon size bag of cut up celery and another one of cut up carrots.  The salad spinner is full of cut and washed romaine lettuce.  I have a few snack sized baggies full of carrot and celery sticks.  I also have a few bags of shredded carrots - I really like those in my scrambled eggs!  I'm going to start working on the cupboards too.  What a difference it makes!  You wouldn't think it would do much - but it really helped me!  I have had the best weekend in months!  I am usually pretty bad at sticking to my diet on the weekends -even when I was doing so well last year.

The doctor went well.  He told me he was really impressed with the changes I had made.  I admitted that I had not been doing so well lately and he told me that it was ok - as long as I get back to it, that is what counts.  What a cool thing to hear from your doctor!    While I was there I got the mother of all face pains.  He was really shocked.  I don't think he really grasped how painful they are.  He just kind of stood there for a minute with his mouth open.  Then he asked me how often those happen.  I told him it varies a lot - sometimes none at all and sometimes ten and up.  He told me he wanted me to start Lyrica.  I took the script and went to have it filled - only to find my insurance won't cover it.  Are you sitting down?  Know how much a month supply is?  300 bucks!!!  I almost fainted!  I told them not to fill it.  I'll have to call my doc on Monday or Tuesday.  There is no way I could EVER afford a med like that!  I'm still not entirely sure I want to take a script for something they will never have an actual diagnosis for.  I asked him if there would ever be a diagnosis and he told me there probably would not ever be one.  The best I would ever have is a diagnosis of nonspecific facial pain.  Great right?  Whatever - I've been in pain for so many years now.  I suppose I could deal with it.

This blog is getting kind of long - sorry.  I've been away from the computer for a few days and I guess I have a lot to say! :-)  Susie has become a crazy climbing monkey!  The other day I walked into the dining room/ play room and found her standing on TOP of her play kitchen!  Then yesterday we were all in the living room when we realized Susie was being very quiet.  I found her in the kitchen.  She had pushed a dining chair up to the counter and was eating blueberries like they were going out of style!  She was just doing rapid fire eating - one after another.  I wouldn't have minded so much if fruit and veggies weren't getting SOOOOO crazy expensive!  I wanted grapes the other day, but they were 4 bucks a pound!  HOLY COW!!  The blueberries were cheaper but in all honesty - they were gross and wrinkly.  I wonder if costco has any frozen blueberries.  That might be a good way to get fruit for a decent price.  I am sick to death of apples and citrus fruit gives me a raging headache!

Ok - sorry for the insanely long blog!  Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL day! -Monica

Update!!!  Peter found my weights in the garage!  They are nowhere NEAR the weight I thought they were.  I thought they were 12 or 15 lbs dumbbells.  Nope.  9 lb dumbbells.  What a weird weight.  Oh well - it's better than nothing!  I did my upper body routine on the piano bench.  The weight wasn't quite heavy enough for a few of the exercises but it was perfect for others.  Hopefully saving for those weights we want won't take as long as it seems!  Anyway - I'm sufficiently sore right now!  Susie seems to think she is lifting weights too.  She is laying on the piano bench and moving her arms up and down. HAHAHA  Love that girl!

Just not feelin it...

I don't know what my problem is lately.  I'm just not feelin it.  I'm not feeling like running or eating right.  BLAH.  Pete's birthday is on Friday - after that it's nose to the grindstone.

Today I ran with Nelly in the park.  Holy freaking cow it was cold!  I don't have the right gear for running in sub freezing temperatures.  According to my thermometer it was 29 when I left.  That is just too damned cold for my blood!  Especially since I was running in capris!  I don't have full length running pants!  It was SO hard to get moving - my legs were so cold and stiff!  We ran really slowly and we only ran for a mile.  Then we did sort of a walk/run for a mile and a half more.  It was really more walking than running after that first mile.  Pathetic, I know.  Nelly has not run since our last run together in late November so it was kind of nice to take it slow today.  Susie was in a bad mood - she was NOT in the mood to be in the jogger!  Nelly handed Susie her cell phone and played "Gangnam Style" for her - Susie was so happy about that - she just kind of danced around in her seat.  It was funny!  I wish they made one of those fisher price cases for the kindle like they have for the ipad.  I can't afford an ipad and there is no WAY I'm letting her hold my kindle without childproof protection!!

Tomorrow is my weight watcher's weigh in.  I'm pretty sure I'm up again.  I'll go and weigh in, but I'm not going to let it get to me.  I'll just do that much better next week!  I also have a doctor's appointment tomorrow - I am not looking forward to that at all.  I hate going to the doctor.  I hate getting weighed.  Their scale is always heavier than Weight Watcher's by like four pounds!  Oh well.  I can't think about that right now.

Well, it's getting late and I'm tired so I'm heading to bed!

Thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful night! -Monica

It's late - but I got it in!!

WHOO BABY!  I was SO going to skip my run today - but then I realized if I skipped it I wouldn't be able to adhere to my New Year's resolution of running 4 days a week!  So at 11 pm, I got off my butt and hopped on the deadmill!  I am SO proud of myself!  I only ran a little over 20 minutes and I only did 1.4 miles - but that is 1.4 miles more than I WOULD have run today!  I am starting to think I should maybe start the couch to 5k over again.  This time my walking would stay the same, but I would do the running at a much faster pace - maybe I can actually achieve my goal of a 10 minute mile by my birthday in June!  How fast is a 10 minute mile on the treadmill?  My treadmill doesn't give you pace like that - only in MPH.

My eating was not the greatest today, but I stayed within my points budget.  It's a good thing I ran tonight because otherwise I would have been over!  I WILL lose some weight this week - I WILL!!!!  I have been doing so crappy since about August.  It's time to get my tush back on track!

Today was a fun day with the kids!  Pete went to a basketball game with his brother so it was just me and the kiddos!  We didn't have a whole lot of money, but I really wanted to do something special with the kids.  I had a coupon for free admission to Wunderland (it's a video game place) and they are only a nickle to ten cents per game so it was a cheap distraction!  I paid 3 bucks and Colin, Susie and I played skeeball for an hour!  It was SO much fun!  Susie had such a good time!  She kept trying to roll the balls up the slope but she couldn't do it hard enough so when it rolled back down, I rolled it up.  She thought it was hilarious!  The problem is, she kept trying to take balls from the other kids' machines! HAHA  Then Colin got a little over excited and he started throwing his ball too fast - one jumped the median and went into my machine.  What a goon!  It was so much fun!  We got a bunch of tickets for playing and the kids each got to get a prize!  Colin picked a pen that hangs around your neck on a rope and Susie got a slap bracelet.  Of course, we stopped at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner and she lost it somewhere there.  Oh well - I don't think she really misses it at all!  What a seriously fun day!

I was reading Katie's blog today and she asked a question about what you would get for fitness if you had tons of money.  EASY PEASY!!  I would TOTALLY build a gym in the back of my house!  I would furnish the hell out of that puppy!  I have a great treadmill - I'd add an elliptical for cross training.  I'd put in tons of free weights.  I'd also have PLENTY of room to do hooping and Zumba - enough room to have a few friends over so they could do it along with me!  I would get a few new hoops of different weights and sizes so I could get better at it!  Then I would be sure to ALWAYS be able to get new running shoes when I need them - running clothes too!  I'd put a nice big flat screen TV and DVD player in there so I could do my workout videos and there would be a killer surround sound system in there.  It would be the favorite room in the house!  Maybe I'd put a laptop in there so I could workout with my Mom via skype!  I would also make sure I had a nice amount of money set aside for running any and all races I want!  Yeah, I've put some thought into this. HAHAHA  So what about you.  What would YOU do if you had unlimited resources for fitness stuff?  Jeez, now I'm wishing I'd win the lottery!!

Ok - now it's almost midnight and I am WIDE awake.  Silly me for running so late!  I'll have to look for something good on TV and put my feet up!

Thanks for reading!  Have a WONDERFUL night! -Monica

Two down, two to go!

I ran this morning.  It was only one mile, but at least I ran!  I actually had set my alarm to wake me up early enough so I could do 3 miles before getting everyone ready and out the door for school.  I slept through it.  Actually, I dreamed through it.  You see - I heard the alarm, but my dream transformed the sound of the alarm into a crowd cheering.  They were cheering for me.  They were cheering because I ran a 5k with an 8 minute per mile pace. HAHAHAHAHA  I have a feeling THAT one is only in my dreams.  Too funny!  I woke up thinking - whoa, did that happen.  Then I looked down at my fat body and realized, nope.  I wish my body matched my mind and my heart.  I have the heart of an athlete.  Too bad I don't have the ass of one.  :-/  Ok, I'm feeling a bit down today, if you couldn't tell.  Lots of things have been going on around here.

Yesterday I took my daughter in for her well baby check up.  Remember that bad stomach virus we all had? Remember how we were throwing up a lot and very forcefully?  Well, I had noticed my daughter's belly button was sticking out a bit more than usual.  It turns out she now has a hernia.  I'm a little upset.  I know it's minor and there is a chance that it will close up on it's own.  Thing is, I know my kids.  My kids seem to always take the hard road.  My son had 3 surgeries before he was 2 years old.  Susie had a surgery before she was 4 months old.  I just feel like my poor babies have had enough, they should get a bye on the bad stuff.  I know it doesn't work that way, but it feels like it should.  I am worried about her - I hate this "wait and see" mentality.

I am so bummed about the microwave being broken.  It feels harder to make healthy meals.  I always made the kids their lunch and the nuked a smart ones frozen meal for myself.  It was so easy and it kept my points down and kept me honest.  I also hate that I have to use all my freaking pots to make a meal.  I used to always microwave my veggies but now I have to cook them on the stove.  I swear - from having no heat for 3 months and needing to split my own wood to burn in the fireplace and now no microwave - I feel like a pioneer woman.  If I have to hitch up horses to a wagon, I'm outta here.  HAHA

Oh, and to top it all off - it seems like my face pains are ramping up again.  I can't remember the last time I had any - I want to say it was early November.  The last time I had a bad attack was in July - that was torture.  A few days ago I got a few zaps of pain.  Then today I had several - I want to say I had 15 zaps today.   It's funny - I think the fact that I don't have an actual diagnosis other than atypical face pain makes me doubt myself.  At times I wonder if the pain was all in my head.  Especially when I have a long stretch of no pain.  I think, well, maybe it was all in my head - maybe I never really had any pain.  I also get to thinking that maybe the pain wasn't as bad as I was thinking.  Then the pains come back and I remember.  It's definitely not in my head.  I guess I'm just going to have to live with pain forever.  How can I take a medication for something that is sporadic?  How can I take a medication for something that has no name?  How do you treat me if you don't now what is wrong with me?  I feel like the doctors just want to throw medication at my symptoms instead of trying to heal me.  It sucks hard.

Ok - I'm sorry.  Maybe the gray weather is getting to me, but I think it's just a bunch of crappy things happening at once.  I'll be ok.  I'm good at bouncing back.  Tomorrow is my appointment with the orthopedist for my finger.  Wish me luck.  I'm a little nervous to find out what is going on.  I don't seem to be getting a whole lot of good news lately.  :-/

Thank you for reading!  I hope you all have a better night than me!  -Monica

Not ANOTHER thing!!!

I'm telling you, if one more thing in this house breaks, I'm going to cry.  Now our microwave has died - it was one of those built in jobs, so replacing it is going to cost an arm and a leg.  Then tonight, at dinner, my husband's tooth broke.  We don't have any money to fix his tooth.  I swear - so far 2013 is looking pretty freaking horrible.  So now he is in a bad mood and sulking around the house.  I am so depressed.  It's one of those deals where you just don't know where to turn.

On a good note, I got my run in today.   I had aimed to run 3 miles, but I had to quit at 2.3 because my son went to let the dog out and the indoor cat ran out.  I had to hop off the treadmill and go catch him.  Thankfully I snagged him just as he was about to hop over the fence!  My running kind of sucked.  I have lost SO MUCH of my running ability.  Wow, I just feel and sound like Debbie Downer.  At least I ate well today.  I still have 3 points left over after dinner, and that is not even counting the points I earned for running!

I don't know what else to talk about.  I'm just so freaking tired and stressed out.  I just can't believe how bad this year has been so far.  I really hope the crap burns off soon and the rest of the year is great.  We really could use a good year.  It's been a while.

Have a good night.  thank you for reading.  -Monica

I got caught...

By the stomach virus.  So did Peter, and Colin, and Susie.  All of us - at the same time.  Throwing up.  It is bad - really really bad.  Colin just threw up on the rug that we just shampooed.  What timing.  I have not eaten anything all day - I don't dare.  I'm freaking STARVING.  I'm too afraid to even eat saltines.  I have a cup of pedialyte that I have been sipping, I'm doing a sip every 5 minutes.  I'm pretty sure I'm dehydrated.  I   have not had anything to drink since early this morning.  I threw up this afternoon so hard that I pulled a muscle in my back.  I think it's needless to say, but I did not run today.  I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow.  I'm SOOOOO hungry.

Oh and something i had not mentioned earlier.  Our furnace is broken.  It has been broken for 3 months, going on 4.  First we were waiting for Trane to send us the replacement part.  They got hit by the super storm and had no power for a few weeks.  Then the machine that makes the part was broken.  Then there was trouble with the delivery.  Now the people installing it had scheduling conflicts so they couldn't come for the past week.  I am really fed up.  It's probably why we are all sick.  Thankfully we have the wood burning insert in the living room - but the bedrooms get cold.  It wasn't too bad until this past week when it started to get really cold at night.  We had been putting a little space heater in each of the bedrooms an hour before bedtime and then turning it off when everyone went to bed.  It's been so freaking cold this week so we had to drag the guess mattress into the living room and close all the doors.  It gets pretty warm in here - it's pretty great.  It only sucks when the fire goes out in the middle of the night!  So far so good though.  PRAY with all your praying strength - that they REALLY show up tomorrow as scheduled, they install the part and everything works.  PLEASE.  I can't take one more day of this.

Ok - baby girl is crying, little boy is whining, and hubby looks pissed off.  I'd better get going.  Have a great night - I hope NOBODY gets this hideous virus! -Monica

First run of the year!

The New Year's resolution stands to live another day!  I got my run in today - yay!  It was horrible.  I was slow, and sluggish, and having a hard time getting it done.  I can't even believe how much my brain kept trying to defeat me!  I had to keep yelling at myself (in my head of course!) to not wuss out and to keep going.  I did do some more walk/running today.  I'll get there.  I'm not too worried.  I think my crappy run was due in part to lack of sleep and crappy diet the night before.

Let me tell you about New Year's Eve.  It was quite an experience.  If you read my blog from yesterday, you'll see that my daughter peed in all of our beds and I had to strip and wash all of the linens.  What I didn't say was that I had finished making both of the kids' beds - but I had put off making our bed until right before I went to sleep.  That was around 12:30 am.  I made my bed (even though I was a bit tipsy from my two glasses of champagne!).  I got it all made and I crawled into bed.  No sooner did my head hit the pillow than my daughter started crying.  She came into my room so I just pulled her up into my bed with me.  I had just started to drift off when I suddenly felt very warm and wet.  Susie threw up in my bed.  BAD.  Really bad.  She got every single one of our pillows.  All over me, all over the bed, the down comforter, the pillows.  It was horrid.  Pete took care of cleaning Susie up, while he showered her off and got her some fresh pj's, I stripped the bed.  We got everything under control and he went to sleep on the couch holding Susie.  I climbed back into bed sans pillows and just started to drift off again when I heard Pete yell.  I came running out to find that Susie had thrown up all over HIM.  She ALSO got the couch - which we just shampooed the night before!  So I got her some more fresh jammies and I showered her off.  I settled down with her on the couch and she fell asleep on my chest.  I'd say about 15 to 20 minutes later she threw up all over me again.  Oh Lord.  To make a really long story just a bit shorter, Susie threw up a total of 8 times.  It was BAD.  I was so worried, so I called the advice nurse.  I thought for sure she would send us to the ER. Turns out this awful stomach virus is going around and it causes vomiting just like Susie was doing.  My poor baby girl!  I was so afraid she was going to choke on the vomit because after a while it was just thick bile - so I stayed up all night while she slept - just to be sure she was safe.  I finally went to sleep around 5 am, and then my son woke me up around 8.  3 hours of sleep is not quite enough!

Ok - I am guessing you are tired of my New Year's Eve excitement!  Thanks for listening to my rant!  HAHA!  So on to my fitness note... I have been trying to convince Pete to get me a weight set for the garage.  He had agreed the other day, but he seems to have taken it back.  I really need to get some weight training in, I'm not sure how I'm going to do it now.  Cross your fingers that I can talk him back into it!

Thanks for reading!  Have a wonderful night!!  Happy New Year!!!  -Monica